Canada.

Five weeks since my return, and I'm still adjusting. In its retelling, I've noticed how the experience has translated into something quantifiable, into a six month period equal to one winter, one semester, one short period in time. And yet looking back it seems to me so far removed from my life here that it can hardly be one and the same. Only five weeks since my return and my experience there feels like a parallel life, perhaps a feeling made stronger by the sense that Varanasi is in fact another planet in itself.

Since being back I've come to realize just how Canadian I am, and what that means. But now that I'm back, I can't say that I have much perspective on the thoughts and emotions that have greeted me here. It's strange to be back. I find myself wondering what to do and where to go with a curious lack of my old sense of purpose. I simply can't pick up where I left off, or assume the same behaviours or reactions that I had before going away. The truth is, this comforts me. On a personal level, this was my primary objective - to be changed, to be altered, to be affected by the world. Knowing that there's a whole other way of life out there, somewhere on the banks of Ganga in a small world called Varanasi, has split my sense of reality in two. Being back here, I think, is about reconciling those two realities, and finding my place within it.

Although I'm a little bit restless and disoriented these days, I'm as curious and as present as ever. The honest truth is that I'm happy. I know this for sure.















Other impressions:

- It's quiet in Canada. Really, really quiet. I know you're probably thinking that I'm in a prairie town or something, but no, I'm in downtown Toronto (aka downtown Canada) and it is quiet.
- I'm invisible. I blend in. I like blending in. It's nice.
- I love walking around this city. Aimless, curious, endless walks are the best.
- I miss Meera ji's food. I've had way too many lokhi cravings since I've been back.
- It's cold. At first, it was REALLY cold. It took me at least a week or so to get used to it, but now I'm okay. Still though, I'm ready for the warm weather.
- Canada has so much stuff. Lots and lots and lots of stuff. Not just the endless row of stores selling useless overpriced brand name stuff, but actual stuff that people use. If I need something and take a look around me, it'll probably be there. And most likely, in abundance. Canada is hoarding useful stuff.
- streetcars are fun, but why does everyone have to wear black?
- I love salad. I really, really love salad
- I opened my Hindi notebooks for the first time a couple days ago. I don't know what I was waiting for. I love it, especially the script.
- Petting dogs! Six months of pent up dog loving is now being released on the dog population of Toronto.

- I love being home.

- I've already started wondering when I'll go back.